We can make it better for gay and lesbian youth right now
By Victoria Koch
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When a child falls down and scrapes her knee, it’s a mother who wants to pick her up and make it better. I’m a mother, and all I’ve ever wanted in raising my daughter is for her to be happy, healthy and a believer in who she is, no matter what.
When my 13-year-old daughter came out to me as a lesbian, I immediately drew her to me with a resounding embrace of love. I lauded her for being her individual self no matter the consequences — but I worried about the road she would walk through our culturally conformist, at times discriminatory, society.
I became a Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays mother (a group that also welcomes parents and friends of bisexuals, transsexuals and queers). A PFLAG mother is a lion par excellence: I am not timid about roaring for my daughter’s rights and coming to the defense of the beautiful person she is.
With the rash lately of LGBTQ youth suicides, my heart has been aching. I want to take each LGBTQ youth into my embrace and tell them we mothers can make it better.
Seattle activist Dan Savage started an incredible Internet project called “It Gets Better” (www.itgetsbetterproject.com) where LGBTQ adults and their allies discuss the bullying they experienced in middle and high school. They say that if each person just sticks around and gets through this phase of his or her life, it will get better.
But I’m impatient. I want to shout out to everyone that we can and must make it better for these precious LGBTQ human beings.
My daughter grew up in Eugene. She attended Spencer Butte Middle School, a “racism and discrimination free zone,” and South Eugene High School, known for its liberal, open student body. She told me stories about hearing people say “fag” and “that’s so gay” up and down the Spencer Butte hallways. She and a friend (who happened to be a girl) frequently hung out together and were derogatorily labeled as “lesbians.” At South she heard the same words and put-downs.
Let’s begin locally with creating safe school environments for all minorities including LGBTQ youth. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (www.glisen.com) has created a safe school kit (I sent one to Spencer Butte) and encourages “Say Another Word” campaigns.
My daughter had her family’s love, acceptance and support. That is a key component in making it better for LGBTQ youth. But unfortunately, not every family is accepting or tolerant.
PFLAG has both national and local organizations, and is a community that loves each and every LGBTQ young person and adult. On the local PFLAG blog site (pflag-es.blogspot.com), parents can find out about a support group for parents of LGBTQ children, plus scan a list of 10 ways to make your school safer. LGBTQ Youth can find out about supportive resources.
One such resource was invaluable for my daughter as she made her “queer” way from age 14 to 18. This PFLAG sponsored LGBTQ Youth Support Group meets weekly from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. at Amazon Community Center. This group, which has been in existence for more than 10 years, has beyond a doubt, prevented many LGBTQ youth suicides locally.
My daughter went through and came out the other side of adolescent depression because of this group, which treasured the strength of who she is. She became an out-loud and out-proud teenager who helped facilitate her high school’s “Day of Silence” and started what she called a weekly Pride Club at South Eugene High School.
Every local high school needs to have a Gays and Friends Alliance, so check yours and make sure it has one. All it takes is one sponsor teacher and some students dedicated to non-discrimination for such a pride group to begin.
In Eugene we have a tendency to complacently believe that we are tolerant, fair and just. But beatings and bullying of LGBTQ youth and adults happen right here in River City, my friends.
Let’s be the community we know we can be. Let’s not wait for it to get better for our African-American, Hispanic, Muslim or LGBTQ youth. Let’s cherish each and every individual no matter their skin color, their gender, their sex, their religious faith.
Let’s bend down, pick each kid up and tell them we’re going to make it all better.
Victoria Koch of Eugene is a member of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
